Apr 15 2012

The secret to happiness

Carpe diem.

The more and more I research and observe keys to happiness, I’m finding that one of the most common threads amongst the “happiest” is the ability to appreciate the now and to be happy with what you have.

This is quite a fundamental shift in thinking for me, because I have always been a planner. I love planning and preparing so that the end result can totally rock on. And I’m pretty good at that. In fact, some might say I am a master planner. While all that is fine and good, there is a lot that you lose by living in the future. You miss out on what’s happening today and what’s around you because you’re constantly in a state of preparing, planning and implementing your plan for some end state that exists some time in the future.

Some of the most accomplished people are never happy. It’s because they’re never content with the now. They’re always looking for the next thing and the next step. I’m not talking about being a perfectionist, the idea of which is truly absurd to me, but about never wanting to settle. In business interviews, this quality is portrayed and viewed as a good thing. Consider this: you are sitting across the room from a candidate who tells you he is never satisfied with his work and is always seeking to improve. Immediately afterwards, you conduct an interview with someone who says that he enjoys life and likes things the way they are. Pretty simple choice. The former tends to get the job, the rewards, the promotions. The latter, maybe not so. The former is the one you admire for how quickly and swiftly he maneuvers the workplace. He is the go-to person who may very well run a company one day. The latter is the one you admire for his ability to leave work at work, go home and then surf, work on his car, play with his kids – without ever thinking about work again until he clocks in the next day.

So what? Does that mean you have to sacrifice accomplishment and success in exchange for happiness? On one extreme, yes, I do believe that people who can appreciate what they have and can stop and smell the roses tend to be the happiest. Doesn’t it seem that the most eccentric people – the ones who do their own thing and don’t have a care in the world, not a piece of property to their name, no retirement savings, no desires for  beautiful kitchens or of winning the lottery or even traveling around the world – are the happiest? They fly with the wind and live day to day. They are truly living each day as though it were their last and enjoying every second of it. And on the other extreme, there are people who define greatness in the most traditional sense of the word. Their contributions to the human race through discoveries and inventions and literature and art and music and science and technology leave a mark that will last long after they leave the earth. Their greatness is felt and experienced by many – not just their children and families and friends. But it seems like the most gifted and accomplished and wealthy struggle the most with some kind of void. It almost seems like they are trying to fill that void with achievement… with a pursuit… Not to put myself into this category by any means, but I can tell you that my own accomplishments have always stemmed from a sense of wanting to increase my value and my contribution… of justifying and validating the trust that was placed in me. It’s hard to find a profile of someone who’s achieved greatness and is truly happy, isn’t it? So what is the answer? Does one have to choose?

In my humble opinion, the answer is no. You choose the answer for yourself. You decide what you want your life to look like and don’t be apologetic or resentful or regretful about it. That’s easier said than done. I may be the worst hypocrite of them all. I sit in my wretched pool of discontent at times thinking about what I want to do, what I could do, what I should do… trying to make sense of the pursuit if happiness. But the thing that separates me from many others who live in a world of regret is that for me, this is a state, and a transitional one at that. It’s one that usually catapults me into the next level of life. And as you can tell from my approach to this site, I have never been an advocate of having to choose between life and greatness. I do believe you can have it all. But you have to make that choice.

You do so by being purposeful. Live life on purpose. Recognize what all means to you: by visualizing your dreams and by understanding your limits. The dreamers are some of the coolest people on this planet. Sure, they may not be practical or down to earth and may always be chasing their dreams. But if you are a dreamer, that is who you are, and you can’t and shouldn’t try to escape it.

But you also have to stop and take a look around once in a while. And the more often you do that, the happier you will tend to be. Appreciate the broken journey that brought you to this place and now. Recognize the fortune in having problems as light as your own. When compared to others’ misfortunes around the globe, it should bring a little bit of a chuckle, no?

So today, make a conscious effort to stop, appreciate, listen, feel and inhale the unbearable lightness of being.

And then go ahead – chase your dreams. Because the journey is just as amazing as the destination. So why not?

Jan 04 2012

Management 101

Ever hear of a well-oiled machine? It is a group that functions at optimal levels because each member does his part extremely well with little to no oversight. Usually this happens because the leader has found a way to evoke the best from each person. This is not about squeezing the most out of everyone. It’s about getting a person to understand and realize his desire to reach his highest potential. It’s also about trust and respect.

Here are some steps to building the winning team.

1) Understand each person on your team. This takes time, patience and a genuine interest in connecting with people. If you have none of these things, I’ll give it to you straight – you’re gonna be a terrible manager. It doesn’t mean you won’t achieve your goals, but you will never achieve the greatness of a well-oiled machine. It must be built on trust and interdependence. Getting to know someone is easy. Understanding someone is very difficult. When you know someone’s goals, dreams, and motivators, the sky is the limit on what you can help that person achieve.

2) Show who you are. The complement of getting to know someone is allowing them to get to know you. There should be limits and boundaries to a manager/ employee relationship, but you get to choose those boundaries. You don’t have to share every detail about your life’s pursuits but people respond well to someone who is honest, open, true to his word and leads by example.

3) Come to a shared goal. Or make commitments to one another’s goals. For example, your immediate goal may be to hit record sales this quarter. A team member’s goal may be to achieve a work-life balance that allows him to provide for his family while being home for them as much as possible. If you put your heads together and respect and trust one another, you can find a creative win-win situation.

Ok now go!

 

 

Just kidding. That’s not all. If it were that easy, well oiled machines wouldn’t be so hard to come by. Let’s keep going.

4) Build your team. Now things get tricky. As the leader, you need to find a way to get all of those differing personalities and goals and motivators to become a unit. Let the team come together naturally with a little bit of guidance from you. You set the tone for an environment of trust and respect. You encourage each person to be himself and find his place on the team. You show your team how to whistle while you work. And finally, you lay out what the team goals are going to be. Beyond that, you sit back and let the chemistry happen. It will. And when it does, boy the magic starts happening. People start doing happy dances when they achieve things together. Don’t be surprised if your team starts slapping each other on the butt as if they’re NFL players when they reach a goal together. The highs that come from being part of something greater than yourself is unexplainable. It’s why normal, well-mannered people become absolute lunatics when they put on a jersey and sit in the stands. Don’t ask me to explain it. I just recognize it.

5) Be clear about your expectations and hold people accountable. The clearer your expectations, the easier to deliver on them… and the harder to ignore. Be specific. If promptness is important to you, don’t say “I want you to be on time” when you actually mean “I want you to come at least 15 minutes before your shift starts to prepare”. And so on. Be clear what will happen when expectations are not met. And you absolutely must deliver. This is not about instilling fear, it’s about maintaining respect. You never want to be in a situation where your employees start testing how far they can get with you.

Now on the flip side, either give your team members a chance to tell you what they expect from you as a manager or you must be upfront about what you will commit to. And hold yourself accountable. There is nothing, absolutely nothing worse than a boss who is not true to his word. You might as well just post a “numb nuts” sign on your forehead.

6) Celebrate. Reward. Recognize. Appreciate. Formally, informally… however you want to do it. This is the easiest to forget  and probably one of the most critical parts of being a good manager. Some might think “recognition” is a soft word. You won’t think it’s soft when they start quitting because they don’t feel appreciated. You don’t always have to spend money to reward someone. You’re the boss, get creative.

And a few other things to keep in mind:

  • Skill vs. will. I’m not sure who made it up, but I think it’s a great concept. Evaluate where each person is on the “will” (how motivated they are) and “skill” (how talented they are) spectrum. Determine if someone is:
    - High will/high skill (reward/promote!)
    - Low will/high skill (find out what’s the deal)
    - High will/low skill (help, coach, train)
    - Low will/low skill (say goodbye now)
  • Let your top performers fly. Why would you want to limit a very capable person’s abilities by micromanaging him? Provide what that person needs in order to bloom and then sit back and watch it happen.
  • Own up to mistakes. Take ownership. Passing blame means “I don’t know how it happened, I’m incapable of impacting things”. Owning blame means, “I didn’t do it right this time, but I can and will fix it”
  • Know when you shouldn’t be in the public eye. You’re the leader, no one wants to see you cry. Your team needs you to be strong, positive and energetic. If you can’t be that way on a certain day, stay behind closed doors.
  • Assign and delegate responsibilities efficiently. The rule of thumb is the easiest job should go to the least skilled person who can complete that job sufficiently. This frees up more and more skilled team members for more and more difficult jobs.
  • Demand excellence. Period.
Jan 02 2012

2012: Let it be

Through the help of recent events, I’ve begun peeling off several layers of dead, jaded skin and finding that what’s underneath is very raw. As scary as this is, I’ve never felt so free.

I begin this year ready to let things be. Let me explain.

I am impatient. And detrimentally capable. Realizing the danger of this combination has awakened me to deep revelations about myself. My entire website is dedicated to making things happen. Getting things done. That’s always been the easy part.

The challenge for me has been to let things be. From meetings, to projects, to parties, to bad moods, it seems that with the right finesse, you can steer almost anything in any direction. It seems that I can concoct a different ending, a better ending, a more efficient ending by interceding and making things happen. How foolish!

If you’ve been around me lately, you know I’ve been pensive, quiet, to myself. Some are worried because this is not like me. Just know that I’m in my cocoon right now. I’ve been watching, listening, sleeping, growing. Oh, but I have been singing!

And when I emerge, I will be ready to watch things grow. It is a beautiful life. Filled with music and laughter and pain and colors and turns and superheroes and beautiful cultures and sneezing and hiccups and headaches and violence and confusion and change and fear and courage and textures and delicious food and wine and new places to explore and rocks to overturn and dancing with the windows open.

I will not miss it!

Dec 26 2011

Suffering a major setback in my career

It’s been a tough month. I have been demoted.

This was not my fate alone – most people in my company are experiencing change, some much much worse than I. Nonetheless, it doesn’t make hearing the bad news that I will no longer be responsible for an entire sales division but just one sales team any easier. In my almost ten years in the finance industry, my career progressed upward in a straight line. And suddenly it seems I’m in the midst of a major MAJOR pullback.

In ’03, as a recent English grad in a tough job market, I was no match for my peers graduating from top business schools with Finance and Econ degrees. So I took an all commission trading job in Manhattan to earn my licenses and to study the markets. It was one of my most difficult times and also one of my happiest times. I was raw, taking risks, pursuing what I wanted. The markets intrigued and excited me. I could sit and stare at time and quotes, charts, printed trades all day long looking for trends, trying to understand the relationship between technical and fundamental analysis, trying to identify patterns specific to NYSE specialists. I was in my element. I was also starving. Making no money and forced to budget my meals on $4 a day. My bagel man on park row always had my $0.75 bagel with cream cheese in a brown paper bag ready for me by the time I reached his cart. Powdered soup for lunch (4 packets for $2) and usually pb&j for dinner. It was happy times it was.

After this apprenticeship, I was ready to set foot into one of the top five Wall Street firms. I was disappointed to find that my licenses were only good for getting me a part time job running errands for a big shot producer at then, Smith Barney. Oh how I rued being reduced to being yelled at for not preparing coffee correctly. But I suffered it because if you work hard and stay dedicated, good things will come. I worked that job for exactly 3 weeks until I was offered a full time sales assistant role. Nine months and then was upgraded to the municipal bond trading desk. That job came with some nice perks: fancy dinners and black cars. Another quick detour brought me to my current company… and the trend continued. I got to do pretty cool things here.. work with brilliant people, be given awesome projects.. starting with small ones and eventually gaining enough trust to handle some pretty important things. At 30 years old, I became the youngest organically-grown Director/ Senior VP that I knew. Not an MBA suit from Harvard. No, the girl preparing black coffee with one sugar filled only halfway in the styrofoam cup just 7 years earlier. Yep, me.

I tell you all this not to boast (well yeah, maybe a little) – but to provide context. It’s from this experience I am prepared to share my next deep insight and experience with you. And how moments like these are a great chance to show who you really are.. inside. In typical Jane-form, I organize my thoughts into a list of what has helped me through this:

1) See the situation for what it is. Not due to my work but to forces completely outside of my control. There’s no use agonizing about what I could have done differently or why this is happening. It’s not productive in any way, so I won’t do it. I can’t control what happens to me; I can only control how I respond to it. And your true character shows in the most difficult moments.

2) My value is not defined by my job. It doesn’t matter if I’m steering the ship or cleaning the deck; I’ll kick ass in whatever I do. And even if I don’t, I am still who I am. Who I am is not the labels patched onto my skin: corporate girl, Korean, believer, musician, nerd. Who I am goes to the core and displays itself in actions, roles, behaviors. The roles change, but your core will never. And thank goodness too, because I’m pretty happy with my core.

3) When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Such a cliche but how true! Here’s my chance for me to do so many things. I’ve already started thinking about them. First off, I intend to redefine the new role I’m in. I will raise the bar. It’s very simple. Second, with the reduced workload I will have more time to pursue the things I love: my music and writing.. time spent with family, time spent growing. And finally, I’m thrilled that I was rescued from thinking that life always fits into a neat little box. It doesn’t. Things change and you have to go with the flow. So even if nothing, absolutely nothing else comes of this, I will be more flexible than I was before. And that – is always a good thing.

4) Live life on purpose. Life will take weird turns. Sometimes though, you don’t even realize you’re on the ride because decisions get made for you. I mean, who’s going to say no to a promotion? or a wonderful gift? or anything else that gets put in front of you that looks wonderful? You can’t think this way… it’s dangerous. Do the best thing for you, not what’s expected of you. If you do take the gift, take it on purpose.. understanding it will come with privileges and responsibilities that you are ready for. If you do that, how can you ever have regrets?

That’s all I have folks. I’m happy to share my thoughts with you. If you have read this and it has been positive for you, please send me some words of encouragement. It never gets old. We need to take care of each other in this world. It’s the only way we’ll get through!

Nov 12 2011

Part 2 – Strategic Planning

I have been away several months from a long unexpected hiatus. I needed to revisit the direction and objectives of this site. Since I hadn’t revisited my mission in some time, I lost my sense of purpose and went off track. As a result, there was nothing driving me to come back day after day to keep building something here.

I share this, because this premise is at the heart of strategic planning. The most important thing is to know what you are doing, why you are doing it and what you want to accomplish. If you’ve done that, setting up a plan around it merely takes some thoughtfulness and preparation. Gut check here. Once complete,  you can visit How to Accomplish Anything for a plain English guide to going about the planning and implementation. That’s just fancy language of getting ‘er done.

Here are some tips on creating your plan and following through (implementation):

1) Keep it simple. Make it something you understand, can articulate and feel good about – not confused about.

2) Make it real. Write it down. Set dates. Make it clear, not ambiguous. For instance,  rather than “get smarter”, try “learn to speak conversational French”

3) Talk to someone…

- you trust
- who will encourage you
- who will challenge you
- who is an expert in the area you are pursuing

4) Revisit. Revisit your mission, your goals, and your plan constantly to make sure it’s on track. You will need to keep yourself motivated to avoid taking your eye off of the ball. And when you do need a break, take it

Good luck!

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